Disappeared Love

I never forgot that place, a place which always remembered me to someone. My special one. He had filled my heart with much of love until now. I couldn’t force myself to lose him from my brain. I thought, thought and thought him everyday in my life. Oh, my God! May be, I would be a foolish girl because of that.

I was here. I stood in the front of this remembrance place. And, I didn’t know what I did. My head was blank. I just looked on surrounding for a minute. Really didn’t know what to do. Yeah, everything was still same, like when I was in Junior High School. I smell the grass fragrance and got some sense with it. This place always made a beautiful song in my head. Yes, football field saved many memories on my happy and sad story.

I just watched and imagined him again, his smile, his laugh, all about him. I wouldn’t live without his voice in my ears. Slowly, I felt something comeback in my life. My memories replayed like a film. I saw it more and more clearly. I could see him running to me.

“Nin, mm…”

“What’s wrong, Sam?” I asked him.

“I am so confused to say it.”

I heard my heart beat fast.

“What will he say? I was thinking it hard. But, I couldn’t find the answer. May he tell his love to me? Here? Now?” I thought it in my brain.

“What do you want? I will be so happy for helping you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, everything you need.”

“If you say so …”

“I wait your words,” I gave comment.

“Well …”

“Ya?”

“Can you tell Mr. Joko if I won’t come playing football this afternoon?”

“No problem,” I answered.

“I am glad to hear that.”

“By the way, why you can’t go?

Sammy closed his mouth.

“Oops, sorry. It’s my secret.”

“Can’t I know?”

“No, it is very secret.”

“No?”

“No,”

“Let me guess.”

“Up to you, Nin. I am sure you can’t think about it.”

“I will begin! Mm …, you will go with your girlfriend?”

When I asked that question, I really hoped if my question was wrong. Suddenly, I felt confused. While he said “yes”, I didn’t want to cope this reality faster. I was scared.

“Wrong! You know that I haven’t a girlfriend. Next!”

What a relief to find it. I could breathe again.

“So, do you accompany your mother to go to supermarket?”

“Still wrong,” he said that with a happy face.

He tried to tempt! But, how handsome he is.

‘Okay, my last question. You help your friend?”

”No, Nin! You lose. You can’t guess it.”

“I surrender, Sam. It’s not a quiz. Do you understand?”

“Sorry, I don’t.”

“I am sorry, too. I won’t tell Mr. Joko.”

I had walked to go from him when Sammy followed my step.

“Wait! I will say it.”

I stopped and so did he. I saw he was panting after running after me.

“Actually, I am so embarrassed to say that. Well …”

“What!”

“I want to play PS.”

“Play Station?” I almost shouted if Sammy didn’t close my mouth with his hand.

“Sst …” It’s our secret.”

“Oh, Sammy. You are very naughty. I can’t help you.”

“You are like a teacher, Nin.”

“ So? “

“You had promised me!”

“But, I can’t …”

“Of course, you can. It will be our secret.”

“But …”

“Please! You are my best friend.”

“I surrendered and began to talk,” Never mind. I’ll do that.”

“Thank you, Nin.” Bye!”

I trusted if Sammy won’t play PS for twice. I knew he had a high responsibility with all his jobs. I never denied it. He is a good man for everybody, included me!

***

In these three years, I always stayed in the same class with Sammy. And, I didn’t know why. I only realized if God was beside me anytime. Protected and saved my life perfectly. Thanks, God. You had given me a best friend.

Sammy was my best friend I ever had. He made me foolish and happy everyday. His silhouette accompanied me wherever I went. Day after day had left fast. I began realizing my heart. My love for him, and it was bigger and bigger than before. I couldn’t stop it.

Actually, I wanted to tell my feeling. But, I forced myself not to do that. I had no desire to break our relationship. I hoped he had a same heart with me. Just it! I thought like that for a long time, until … something happened. Changed my life to be darkness where there were no candles. I was like in to the other world. I wasn’t here with my friends, because my soul had lost. May be, forever. Yes, my heart never comeback again. I said it ‘a tragic incident’.

I was walking in a beautiful Monday morning when someone called my name. I stopped and turned around fast. And, I saw Sammy was running to get to my place.

“Sammy? Why do you run like that?”

“I was scared you will leave me before I say something.”

“What’s that? Is it important?”

“Sure. It’s very very important for me.”

“Tell me now.”

“I am sorry, Nin. I can’t tell you.”

“Is it a secret?”

Sammy nodded.

“Again?” I didn’t believe it. Too much secret in his life. And, I was disappointed with myself because I couldn’t guess his thinking.

“Let you tell me what happen?”

“I want you watching my truly action this evening.”

“What action? Magic?” I didn’t understand what he said.

“I am kidding. Can you watch me in my football match?” he asked my softly.

“Huh, narcissi.”

“What did you say?”

“Nothing. Forget it.”

“ … “

“Don’t worry, Sam. I’ll see you.”

“At 4 o’clock. Don’t late, okay?”

“I’ll never disappoint you.”

“I trust you.”

“But, what’s going on?”

“It is still my secret. You don’t know yet. Bye.”

“Bye …”

I didn’t know what he wanted to say to me?

“No. No, Nin. Absolutely, there weren’t connections between you and Sammy. We just friend,” I tried to release this weight from my heart,” my God. I hope it won’t be a dream only. Sammy invited me!” I screamed it in my heart.

Everything entered to my head. I never found the answer till I had headache.

“Sam, don’t do this to me!” I said it with myself.

Even, I couldn’t focus my eyes in my lesson. He had filled my body and got my heart.

Suddenly …

“Nin, please! Answer the question number 3,” Mrs. Lydia pointed me.

Oh, she made me get heart attack. Tragically, I didn’t think that task yet.

“What must I do?” I was really confused.

“Why you don’t go to the whiteboard?”

“Immediately, Mam.”

I walked slowly. Didn’t know what must I did. Suddenly, Sandra gave her book, and whispered,” You look so confused. You can bring my book.”

“Thank you.”

Fortunately, Mrs. Lydia didn’t realize what we did. Because of Sandra’s book, I could write the answer succeedly.

***

The bell rang. After taking my books from the desk, I met Sandra.

“San, thank you. You are so kind.”

“That’s right. I’ll be happy helping you.”

“Without your book, Mrs. Lydia will be angry with me.”

“It’s okay.”

“Thank you so much. I like you.”

“I like you, too.”

“Bye, San. Have a nice day.”

“Bye!”

I didn’t know if Sammy watched behind us.

After I went home, I made my face over and wore the most beautiful gown I had.

“You look beautiful, honey,” I heard Mom gave a comment.

“Thanks, Mom.”

“What are you going to do?” she asked me.

“I will watch football match in my school at 4 o’clock.”

“Good luck.”

“For what, Mom?”

But, Mommy didn’t explain it.

“Okay, does she know? It’s impossible. I never tell her about him.”

“It is 03.40. Hurry up!”

“Slow down, Mom. Only 5 minutes to get there.”

“Be careful, sweetie.”

“Bye, Mom,” I kissed Mom charmly.

I arrived there at 03. 45.

“Huff, I am not late yet,” I said.

Immediately, I found the empty lounge and sit there. The players didn’t enter the field yet. I sought Sammy between of his friends.

“Where is he? I can’t find him.”

“Hi, Nin,” A voice shouted near my ear.

“What?” I shouted too. I was taken aback by his act.

“ …”

“Sammy! You scared me.”

“ … “

“Don’t you gather with your friends?”

“Five minutes again.”

“What do you want to tell me?”

“I can’t say it now, Nin,”

“So, when?”

“After this match. Don’t go home. Lose or win, I will tell you.”

“Good luck, Sam.”

Sammy waved his hand to me.

The match began. In my lounge, I prayed for his victory. One hundred minutes had left. Finally, our school win with score 3 – 2. And, two of those goals were from Sammy’s kick. He was so great!

After it finished, he walked to me.

“Hi, Nin.”

“Hi. Do you need tissue?”

“Oh, you can understand me well. I love it.”

Then, I gave it to him. Unconsciously, my hands were shaky.

“Are you alright?” Sammy asked.

“Yes, I am fine.”

I look at surrounding. The field was quiet. Many people had gone home. Only I and Sammy here, and this condition made me nervous.

“Nin, I want to say something important to you.”

“I know that. What’s next?”

“This!” he said that and gave me a letter. A pink letter for exactly.

Twilight came fast than I guess. The sun shined beautifully.

“What letter? For me?” I could almost hear my own heartbeat waiting his answer.

“Sandra.”

“Sandra?” I didn’t believe what I heard.

“Yes.”

“Sandra, our classmate?”

“Is there anyone else beside her?”

“ … “

“ …”

“So, you want me to give this letter to her?”

“Absolutely, I love her, Nin.”

Deg! I felt that the world became ruins in one second. The sun doesn’t appear its shine again. I was in the darkness.

“Where was Sammy? I didn’t see him. My eyes? What was going on to my eyes? It is so dark here,” I said to my heart.

“Nin? What’s wrong with you?” Sammy shook my body.

“Who’s voice? There is someone called me.”

“Nin?”

My soul had comeback.

“Sammy …”

“What’s happen, Nin?”

“I don’t know. What’s matter with me?”

“Don’t you remember?”

I shook my head.

“Suddenly you blacked out. Luckily, I hold you. So, you don’t fall. I catch you now.”

“Sam, I make you bother.”

“No matter. Are you sick?”

“I don’t know what happen with me.”

”Okay, I will bring you home. Just relax! Don’t think something anymore.”

“Thanks, Sam.”

“No problem. I am your friend.”

At my home …

“Mrs. Burhan, Nindya blacked out in the field. I hope she will be better as soon as possible.”

“Thanks, Sam. You are a good boy. Nindya is lucky to get a friend like you.”

“You are welcome, Mam.”

Mom smiled.

“Excuse me. I have to go now. I don’t give news to my parents where I am. May be, they are confused me now. Good evening.”

“Good evening.”

Mom was worried with my condition.

“Nin, you have a nice friend. He brings you safely. He doesn’t hurt you.”

“Sure.”

He had hurt my heart, not my body.

“Mom, may I get alone?”

“Of course, honey. Please, tell me if you need something. Good night and have a nice dreams.”

“Okay.”

Mom left my room. I was alone here. I couldn’t stand with this. I cried for a long time until the dawn came, till the sunrise brought its shine to my window. I shouldn’t accept all of these. It was so pain to remember. But, why I couldn’t forget? Oh, my God! Give me Your way! What must I do to face these bitter facts? Tell me more!

Knock … knock … knock …!

“Wake up, honey. Are you fine?”

There wasn’t answer.

“May I enter your room?”

I was stunned hearing Mom’s voice. I wiped off my tears. I didn’t want Mom knew my problems.

“Wait a minute, Mom.”

I opened my door and saw Mom felt surprised looking my face. Did she know it? I hoped not. But, I usually shouldn’t keep my troubles hidden from her.

“Honey, tell me your problems to me. As your mother, I am asking you. Please!” Mom waited my agreement.

I just kept on silent.

“Wait! Mom won’t enter to the office today. I will accompany my sweet daughter,” Mom added.

I surrendered. I couldn’t lie with her. At last, I told her everything about my feeling to Sammy.

“So, the conclusion is he loves the other girl. Is it right?”

I nodded. “Yes. My heart was broken, Mom!”

Mom caressed my hair softly. I knew that she loved me.

“That will be alright, honey. I am sure you are a strong girl and can face your heart. I know you need a long time, may be one year, two years, but it doesn’t matter. You can forget him! Trust your Mom. You can forget it!”

“But, I see him everyday, Mom. And, he asks me to give his letter.”

“Alright. Give the letter to Sandra. But, you must show if you are fine without him.”

***

“Hi, Sammy.”

“Hi, Nin. Are you okay?”

“Cool it. I am fine.”

“Btw, you have given my letter?” he whispered in my ear.

“Not yet. But, I’ll give it during a break.”

My heart was so pain when I said that. I tried to control my tears. I couldn’t want to cry in front of him. I smiled and he did too.

“Wait my news!” I run leaving him.

During the break, I met Sandra on her desk.

“San, I want to give something for you.”

“Nindya? What is it?”

“This!” I give him that letter and smiled.

“Letter?”

“Yes, a love letter for you from someone.”

“Really? From who?”

“Sammy.” I almost couldn’t say that name. It was pain for me. Then, I said good bye to Sandra. I saw she read it with a happy face. Sandra was very lucky getting Sammy’s love. Of course, they would be happy ever after.

The next day, I heard that Sandra accepted his love. I wouldn’t cheat myself to say if I wasn’t glad with their happiness.

“Nindya!”

There was someone behind me. I knew him. After taking a breath for a while, I turned around to face him.

“Hi, Sam. Congratulation!”

“Yeah, because of your struggle. I can’t get her without your help.”

“It’s okay.”

“Sorry, I disturb you with my demand. Sandra is a calm girl. I don’t have courage to give it directly. You are really my best friend.”

***

Approximately one year later, Sandra and Sammy entered to SMA N 3, while I was in SMA N 1. I chose to separate with both of them. I didn’t stand longer to see them. I tried and I failed. I couldn’t forget him until now. I had to accept if he didn’t love me.

I said good bye to my memory place. But, suddenly I heard somebody called my name.

“Sammy?” I didn’t believe what I saw. I found he stared me. It must be a dream and I would open my eyes soon.

“Nindya? What are you doing here?”

I realize it wasn’t the dream only. He was real and standing in front of me.”

“I miss this place!”

“ … “

“I must go now. Bye!” I run fast, left him alone there.”

“Nindya Novita Sari! Wait me!” I saw Sammy was running after me. I run … and run … until I fell down. I didn’t see the rocks near my feet. I sprained my ankle. I couldn’t walk again now.

“Nindya, what happen with you?”

“My ankle …”

“Let’s go home!”

“Okay and thank you.”

We sit in the football field; saw the sunset together for a minute.

“But, before that … I need to know your reason about your deed. Why do you never replay my phone?” Sammy asked to me.

“I am sorry. I can’t explain it.”

“Why?”

“It’s a secret.”

“Okay, up to you.”

“How about Sandra? Where is she? You don’t bring her along with you?”

“We have separated. We felt not to be made for each other.”

I was only in a silent, waited what would he say.

“Do you know? I am stupid boy. I realize if I love someone else when I leave her alone for a long time. And, she is here in front of me.”

I was so surprised hearing that.

“Yes, Nin. I love you with all of my heart. Can you accept me?”

“I doubt I can’t.”

“Why?”

“ I … I am frightened you will leave me again and again,” I was sad when I told it. Unconsciously, I cried. And, Sammy saw my tears.

“Please, forgive me! I have made too much hurt. I am improper to you.”

I just bowed my head.

“But, I will never surrender for getting you. I promise I won’t leave you alone. I love you, Nin!” Sammy added,” lets go!”

Suddenly …

“I love you, too. I love you, Sam. I can’t live without you.”

Sammy kissed my hand softly, and said,” Will you be my girlfriend?”

“Yes! A thousand times yes!”

In a beautiful twilight in November, I found my truly love.

The End

by Ratna Novita Sari